Month: January 2014

Studies show that 11.8% of all Twitter users have private accounts, and “love” is the word used most commonly in all Twitter users’ bio. Purple is the most common colour for backgrounds in female tweeters, and black, for male. Only 10.3% tweeters have switched on their geo-location, meaning, tweeters don’t want you to know where they are, but rather, what they are thinking of. Which is unfortunately…… Very negative at most times.

We rant, because we feel relaxed immediately after we do it. Which is very true, I have to agree. But it’s not always good for you. Contradictory to self experience, it shows that while ranters felt more relaxed initially after posting, they actually experienced higher levels of anger than most, or if not at their peak of anger. Likelihood is that they tend to express their anger in ways that provoke. Furthermore, simply reading rants for five minutes can significantly cause a negative mood shift.

I suppose this is why we rant, all we care about is to make ourselves feel better, but we never thought that as we rant, we might even worsen the situation by affecting even more people. Try to stop ranting, I know it’s hard, it’s very hard.

Credits: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/webs-influence/201303/angry-why-rant-sites-may-do-you-more-harm-good
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/10/quirkiest-facts-twitter-users_n_1956260.html

There’s something I just don’t understand, even though I’ve been thinking about it for the past few weeks. I couldn’t find an answer whatsoever, and it’s really bothering the hell out of me.

I used to believe everything happened for a reason, and a part of me still believes that. I wanted to believe that all happenings had an explanation behind it, I wanted to believe everything was fair.

It’s not fair.

I don’t want to believe anything happens for a reason anymore, it hurts.

I don’t want to trust fate anymore, it’s too painful to accept the truth.

I don’t want to know, for all that I care, what the hell is going on. I can’t hide my tears.

For once I just wanted to disappear, for once I don’t believe in my own abilities to convince myself it’s gonna be okay anymore. It’s not.

I’ve never been struck so hard by anything, definitely completely, unprepared.

I want to wake up and realize it’s all a dream, but it’s not.

All in all, the cuts have found it’s way deep into my soul.

I just want to feel alright again, but now I cannot.

Will I ever have an answer? Presumably not.

I don’t have such an experience, and I never want to ever again.

Can I ever get an answer? I really pray hard.

Even for the slightest bit, I want to know, at least, I hope to know, will you ever understand me?

I can’t hold back anymore, three years ago I already knew this would happen.

Loving you is a painful process I’m too stubborn to give up.

I never blamed how I never really joined a CCA in primary school, and I never blamed Peihwa for not having badminton as a CCA. I never blamed myself I never ever joined an inter school competition apart from Math Olympiad, and I’ve never ever truly understood the meaning of standing together as a team in times of pure hardship.

Admittedly, I was late, very late when I joined badminton in secondary 1. Previously I had only been training outside on weekends, and when my training schedule started involving thrice on weekdays and once on weekends and sometimes even more, I knew that this all required a lot of dedication and hard work. Something primary school CCA has never taught me. Discipline, team work, respect, integrity. To me, it was all new. Representing the school in inter-school games in secondary 1 was the first time I ever played in an inter school competition. It was late, I was a late starter and nobody knew me. Glad I started picking up pretty fast.

It’s been 4 tough years, 4 years in this CCA. It’s really given me a lot of things, apart from really giving me some additional muscle mass and stamina.

1) You can’t always have it your way.
That was something I learnt the hard way, and I’m glad I realized it.

2) United we stand, divided we fall.
It’s impossible to be happy when someone else isn’t. It’s impossible to achieve anything without everyone’s 100% participation.

3) You gotta fight for what you want.
I don’t think this needs any elaboration.

4) Love what you do.
If not you’ll never make it through successfully.

5) Never give up.
Remember, there’s a rainbow after every storm.

6) You reap what you sow.
The harder you go through, the better the result.

7) Togetherness.
I don’t think there’s any other way that makes us stronger.

Secondary school is full of learning experiences, CCA teaches us what we can’t learn in classrooms. Give it your best shot, don’t give up until the last second stops.

Sometimes, I wish I were different. I’d like to live one day not being myself, but as someone else. A celebrity, a popular kid in school. A bimbotic camwhore girl, a sporty muscular jock. A teacher, a cleaner, a food stall owner. A principal. Anything but myself.

I want to look at the world through a more experienced perspective, I want to see what others see that I cannot. I want to see things in a different limelight, experience things that before that I’ve never liked. Just for one day, I’d like to not be me. I’d like to be someone else, if it’s just for one day.

Identity thief.

Sometimes, I imagined myself growing up in a different habitat. I imagined myself born in USA, UK, Europe, Africa. I imagined being born to poor peasants, I imagined myself receiving help from donation organizations I used to donate to. I imagined myself, instead of going to school and receiving proper education, helping out in the scorching fields of the midday sun, bent over plucking weeds. I imagined myself having to walk a mile every single day just for clean water. What would you be like, if you were the same you from another era, another place, another life?

Philosophically mindblowing

And then I wonder, why do we hate all the things that are good for us, but love the things that can harm us. Is it some sort of natural protest we have against our own humanity?

Sometimes, maybe I just think too much.

But maybe, just maybe, if I get to live the life of someone else in one day, it’ll be a whole lot clearer what this entire thing called humanity means to me.

It’s already the ninth day into 2014, and a full week since the start of school. It’s a whole new experience, literally brand new classrooms, so new that there’s currently no wifi, no projector, and the desks don’t have the thingy regular desks should have underneath so you can put your stuff on. And my classroom is tiny. It’s actually quite pathetic, but it’s a new experience.

And of course, new classmates. Honestly, I didn’t really look forward to the prospect of joining 4P because I wasn’t really that close with anyone inside. I thought it would be a really unenthusiastic class that didn’t talk a lot. Thankfully, thankfully I was proven wrong. I’m glad to say 4P is actually a really chatty, outgoing and enthusiastic class. The best part is, everyone seems to get along well with everyone, even between the guys and girls. The guys in my class are really nice and funny, but not noisy to the point that it’s annoying. So that’s really great. And since it’s a small class of 25, hopefully we’ll bond more such that everyone is close to each other and hopefully there are no ostracized people. I’m glad to say that this class is a lot better than I had imagined, and all in all I couldn’t ask for a better class, with better classmates.

CCA. It’s getting more and more hectic, preparing for the upcoming competition season again. As usual. Trainings are dragging more and more late into the evening, but I can tell everyone is working hard for the championships. Another year, but still the same new teams. Same few opponents, same goals, same dream. It’s not going to be easy, but you never know if you don’t try. Hopefully we will all push hard, as a team, united for a better season with even better results.

Academics. Of course, with each year it gets even tougher, but with each year I get stronger. I’m sure I’ll survive this year, somehow I’ll pull through even though I know that it’ll be a lot more stressful than year 3. Especially with O levels higher Chinese at the end of this year, I’m even more determined to do my best and get as good grades as I can get. Just keep pushing on, I keep telling myself. Don’t give up, because hard work bears the sweetest fruit. Satisfaction. I know I’ll keep going, I’ll keep persevering, no matter how rocky the path gets.

Thank you God, for always being beside me wherever I go, guiding me along the way and helping me when I need help. Thank you savior, for overlooking my sins and still choosing to be by me. Guide me, master. Like the shepherd, I will be your sheep, always under your guidance and love. Without you, I am nothing.