Month: February 2014

Life is a never ending journey, a journey you create for yourself.

Things, change. The way you perceive something changes over time. Barbie dolls, they change from a 3-year-old girl’s everything to just a ragged doll 5 years later. The things you work hard for now, may all seem like a useless, futile attempt 20 years later. Nothing is everlasting, nothing stays forever.

But I want to seize everything that I can, at least for now. I’m selfish, I want everything that I can own, I want everything that seems impossible for me to have. I want everything that everyone is jealous of, and I think, I’m not the only one out there who has a mentality just like mine.

I try hard, I fall down. I get up again, someone knocks me down. Life is a routine of failure, and the probability of one bumping into failure is 99.9% as compared to the 0.01% of success. But then again, I try to never give up.

Mean words, they wound me deep down, they burn me internally, they rip my world apart temporarily. Somehow, on the exterior I am still smiling.

I try to never get compliments to my head, and criticisms to my heart. I really do try.

I try to believe that something great will come out of me, something remarkable.

I try to believe that life is a bed of roses with occasional thorns, I try to believe that at the end of it all, it will be worthy of all sacrifices that I make.

But above all, I try to believe that life has a purpose, and I try so hard to trust that I am on the right track to fulfilling my destiny.

I really do try.

They say, that silence is the loudest scream. The final scream for life before a person too ill dies, the final scream for someone you love when they have to leave. The loudest cries, are not expressed by the mouth, but by the heart. To know someone truly, don’t look at their lips. Look at their eyes, for it is the window to their soul. And no matter how hard you can try, you can’t hide the feelings from your eyes. It just stays there, waiting for someone to come along and notice it.

I’ve always thought that someday, things will change for the better. And in some ways or another, it has. Sometimes we are too focused on the flaws that haven’t changed, that we tend to overlook and forget to be thankful to the things that have changed for the better. I’m sorry if I always seem to be unappreciative, I’m sorry if my wants are always seemingly insatiable. But I think, that is only humanly. To be a human, is to have your own wants, and to always want to have it fulfilled. To be a human, is to sometimes be selfish to fight for what is important to you. But we don’t always succeed. Sometimes, people will bring you down, but you get right back up just because your dreams are still alive. Sometimes, you suffer a big blow to your mental health but at the end of the day, we have to keep going. We have to keep going, because we have to trust that one day the storm will end. Life is built on trust, nothing is a instant two-way deal. More often than not, you’ll find yourself sacrificing so much, putting in so much hard work for something you’re not even sure of. Then why are you doing it? Life is built upon faith, and though it might not always stand, at the same time, it will not always fall. There’s always two sides to something, and maybe if you try hard enough, failure isn’t such a bad thing after all. The greatest people in life go through the most failures. They just never let it get to them personally.

Until now, we should have come to realize that the greatest demons are ourselves, and that no one should control your emotions except you allow them to. They can shake you, break you, but at the end of the day they make you into a stronger person. Or at least, that’s what I’ve always felt to be true, and that’s one thing I’ll always hold true to my heart, that I believe what I do will not go to waste, that regardless of studies, CCA or whatever else I might be involved in, that whatever may happen, I refuse to let it hit me personally, and that I keep believing that one day it will all pay off. And I believe that if you do it well enough, God will reward you for your efforts. Even though they say that life is not fair, it still is, to a certain extent. Life is not a wish-granting machine.

And when success does hit you, never get proud. At the end of the day, pride is one that kills it all.

Your life is defined by what you love.

Let’s get something straight: You never fully understand the true value of something, until you leave it.

And I’m hoping, it’ll never leave. But sooner or later, like everything else in this unfair world, it will just go.

For as long as I can remember, it’s been a part of me. It’s always been a part of me. Under the influence of my parents, it gradually became a part of my lifestyle, something I cannot live without. I started when I was four, and for twelve years I still continue to do it with the same amount of passion I used to have when I was four. It’s something that I genuinely like, and so many other things that I’ve given up on – swimming, piano, rollerblading, ballet ( yes I really did use to do ballet ) and even track and field, I’ve never once thought about giving up on this. I’ve always treated it like the greatest thing on Earth, something that gives me joy at my darkest moments, and frankly speaking, 90% of my mood depends on it. For my whole life, I’ve been involved with it. I started off watching people do it, then I gradually grew old enough to try it out myself. I’m not a prodigy, I didn’t start off too well, but I’m not too bad either.

They say, you know when you’re truly in love with something.
I know I am.

Definitely, school has given me a great platform to display my love and skills for it. I feel like without school, I would’ve been so deprived. Yet of course, one day we are going to graduate, there will be a time when I am forced to reduce contact with that one thing I know I truly love, and as I age, there will finally be one day I put down my last racket, stop wearing my last pair of shoes and tell myself, you’re too old to continue anymore.

For my whole life, it has accompanied me, and it will continue to accompany me for as long as my body allows, and until the end of my life badminton will always be a part of my one true passion.

This is God’s gift to me. To love something undyingly is a great blessing.

I am thankful there’s something I truly love, because life is nothing when you have no passion.

We all know how it feels when we first embrace change. Overly familiar with the present surrounding, most of us wouldn’t like to have a change. Changes are viewed negatively, people are afraid of changes. All in all, changes is a part of life that is necessary, but not well received.

The truth is, we hate changes. We hate it because we don’t know what’s in store for us, we hate it because we’re unwilling to let the present go. Like how we didn’t want to graduate from primary school, but here I am at secondary 4 and secondary school is the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me. Changes are perceived negatively, and sometimes even violently.

But that’s not always the case, at least not all.

Changes can be a blessing, an angel in disguise ; a rose in a bush of thorns ; the pearl of an oyster. Sometimes, change is necessary for a better life, and the best part is, it comes unexpectedly.

I loved my primary school, but now not so much anymore. Feelings fade over time when not in contact. I love 1A’11-3A’13, but sadly we’re not meeting up as often anymore and I honestly don’t think enough effort has been made to meet up, because everyone is busy accustoming to new friendships in their new class which I am completely agreeable on, because I think my new class is a big blessing I would never have expected, and I’m really thankful for it.

Perhaps I would like to pause to thank 4P’14 for being a brilliant class, where everyone fits in perfectly and snugly together. It’s been only but a month but I already feel like we’re so close together as a class. Personally I think smaller classes are better than huge classes of like 40 people. Minimalize the cliques, expand your social circle. It makes life better when you’re somewhat close to everyone in class, not like when you’re sitting with this guy you’ve never talked to for the past 2 years and then it gets hell awkward because you have your friends and he has his and somehow the two of you are forced to fit in together and get close because no way that’s not gonna happen anytime soon.

It’s also sort of a tough blessing that we don’t have wifi in our classroom ; at least we won’t get distracted so easily then.

And one thing I really like is the seating arrangement, everyone around you is so approachable.
I hope they don’t change the seating arrangement, even though yeah I know…. It’ll eventually change. Hope not. Sigh.

And then sometimes I wonder about the things that change with us, as we age. The opportunities, the people around us, the duties we bear. It all makes sense that at some point of time in life we have to give up on what we hold dearly, and someday it will dawn on all of us that forever doesn’t exist because well, we all die eventually.

Holding on to the present, hoping it’ll never end. Hoping that what I have now will be with me as long as I can hold on to it, before it turns into a fragment of my memory.

As we grow older, our memory bank gets fuller. We get more experienced with things, and more or less familiar with this game we call life.

Life’s your game, play it.

And finally, out of seven billion people on this planet, I’m glad I met you. And that’s something I don’t want to change, but hopefully with time everything will be alright.

Maybe someday I’ll look back at my secondary school life, and a wide smile will spread across my face. Maybe someday I’ll reflect upon my old crushes and laugh at my own childishness. Maybe someday I’ll look back at past yearbooks, bringing up memories of growing up. Maybe someday I’ll lie on my deathbed, thinking back of this life ; from the first breath to my last, I’ll be thankful for what I’ve got.

Blessed.