I want to be different, different above everyone else.
I want to make a change, a change that affects everything.
I want a destiny, a destiny made just for me.
I want happiness, happiness created by you and me.
On a side note, I can’t believe I survived this week. This week has been hands down the most hectic week of 2014 thus far, with 2 tests and 3 major graded projects due. Every day has been a rush against time for the past 5 days, sleeping way past 12 almost every single day. But I’m glad, I’m glad I survived it. At least things are looking better now, at least I can look back and say, I thought I’d never make it, I honest thought I would break down halfway through the week. But I didn’t, I survived, and I feel fantastic.
Training wise, I’m finally getting a grip back on myself. For the past few weeks I’ve been so terribly off form I go home and question my own purpose in this CCA anymore. I felt like ever since season ended I’ve been on a downhill rollercoaster and I would never come back up again, but I’m returning back to normal standards. Not yet, but I’m improving. Not quite, but I can feel it coming.
Another important milestone in my life is, whilst having the busiest week of the entire year, I turned 16 – subconsciously so. Subconsciously amidst the mad rush for projects, I turned sixteen without realizing it. It has been quite a 16 years on Earth, with so much things having happened in my life. I’ve been through quite a lot, experienced a lot of things though I can’t say I’ve been through everything because there are some things you just never want to experience. But I’m 16, one of the major milestones in life because sixteen is the age whereby people start treating you as grown ups. You get to watch NC16 movies now, people respect you more, and a lot of activities require the minimum age requirement of 16 years old. Well, I’m 16. I can do a lot more things than I used to be able to, and while I cherish the thought of more freedom, inevitably it also places more responsibility on my shoulders, in a sense.
Another thing I feel like I have to address is the way of education in Singapore. Do we go to school, work so hard just to see a particular letter of the alphabet printed out on our report cards? To what extent can the alphabet bring us in life, to what extent do we owe our happiness to that single alphabet? Why neglect your health, why get yourself so worked up and demoralized just for one single alphabet. They always say, grades are very important, but they never realized that in today’s society it pretty much decides your life. It’s a sad, hard truth, but undeniably it is something none of us can escape from. Stereotypes, we all know that. As much as we hate stereotyping, it is something inevitable and every single one of us do that every single day, regardless if consciously or subconsciously. We can’t help it, I can’t help it. No one can. I’m not good at argumentative essays, I can’t express myself well enough on paper how unfair I feel this society has come to, but I really do feel this way.
I’ve also come to realize that the best things in life comes in a small package of surprise. When you’re not expecting something to happen, the happening of it tends to make you a lot happier than when you did expect it. This is why we should put our hopes low, such that happiness would be easier achievable. Happiness is a virtue and everyone has their entitlement to happiness, but some people put the bar so high it’s almost impossible for them to feel any at all. Why set your standards so high when at the end of the day everyone is the same? Be happy, that’s what I always believed in. Be happy, and those around you will start doing the same. It’s a routine, and if good things keep circulating, the whole place will be a happy place to live in.
Finally, I feel like I have to address my emotions lately. I don’t know if it’s anything like an infatuation because I don’t think it is, but it’s as confusing as you reading this (if anyone even reads this) as it is to me trying to decipher my own feelings. I realized that lately I’ve been on constant mood swings and a lot of my feelings revolve around somebody I should probably not have any business dealing with. It’ll soon be over, that’s the only hope I can cling on to. I don’t know, man. I don’t know.
I believe one should always be truthful when writing handwritten cards, it’s the next best way of being sincere to someone apart from talking face to face with them. I’m not directing this at anyone in particular, but I just felt the need to say this. If you want to write a note to someone, please be sincere.
I’ve been wanting to say this whole chunk of text for quite a while, but I haven’t had the time and I didn’t know how to phrase it all into one post. It’s a try, a pretty good try I would say. At least, it feels good to have something off my chest.
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