I secretly think life is unfair. Maybe it’s not really a secret anymore. I openly think life is unfair. I don’t understand why some people can get the best of both words and I’m struggling to achieve what they could’ve done with ease. I’m struggling to hold on and there they are soaring above the clouds. Is it really the fault in me, or is life just really unfair?
I appreciate some of the basic privileges in life, however simple it sounds. I appreciate being appreciated, and I appreciate being acknowledged whenever I do something nice. I appreciate sincere apologies and I usually don’t go holding grudges. I appreciate human warmth and I try my best to reciprocate the warmth. I appreciate the chance to study in one of Singapore’s top schools and I appreciate the blessing of a healthy and sporty body. I appreciate that I come from an above average family and for the caring parents that raised me up tenderly.
But sometimes I wish for more. I wish for someone who is afraid to lose me. Maybe there already is, but I don’t know. I wish for someone who maybe wants to take the first step to approach me. I wish for the ‘above average’ in the ‘above average’. I wish for a first position in someone’s heart. Maybe I already am, but I don’t know. And I wish sometimes people would watch their words because I love the way it stings. Getting hurt by some of the people you like the most, it’s just a whole new feeling of hurt. But sometimes pain comes in the most unexpected way. It could be a single act of being pushed away, literally. It could be walking as a single person in a group of people. It could be told in the face, though not intentionally, that you aren’t as important as you think you are to them. It could be them leaving without saying goodbye. It could be you always the one trying to do something nice, but never being returned. I know you’re not supposed to expect any good things in return, but I feel like you can’t do everything all by yourself.
Believe me when I say I have a good life. I have a fantastic life.
But maybe sometimes I could do with a little mending of the heart, so I’ll feel like from time to time everything is okay again.
; 