It’s risky, my heart is beating;
Way too fast.
I don’t like it.
It’s sneaky, my brain is pounding;
Against my conscience.
Don’t do this.
It’s enthralling, a journey never ending;
Like a criminal.
You won’t know it.
It’s fascinating, a risk worth taking;
Three worded phrase.
But I can’t say it.
I would swallow all my fears to
Seize the chance you hold you dear.
I would let the butterflies in my stomach swarm,
Just to let you feel my warm.
I would sacrifice my ego,
Weep in a state of shame.
I was ready to do anything,
But I just can’t take the pain.
Broken promises; stone-cold stares.
Emptiness at its very best.
I would have felt better,
Fought like a warrior.
Only if you hadn’t
Changed your mind.
Every question deserves an answer; good or bad.
But the decision to tell the truth – is not mine.
I wish I could do something.
There are lines one can draw to prevent trespassing;
But there are the sneaky criminals who would do anything.
If you knew the dangers in your way;
Then maybe you would turn your face.
But there are some things unstoppable;
And I let it crash my gates.
Every answer deserves a second thought; positive or negative.
But the decision to believe – lies beneath.
Feelings;
That is a lie.
To cover it up and not let it show;
The sole duty of my eyes.
Politeness;
That is the state of pretending it’s okay.
When it’s not;
But you close an eye.
Hatred;
Red hot, fury flames.
Engulfs me as a whole;
But sometimes it fades away.
Love;
The touch of your fingers.
I’m not allowed to say it;
Am I?
Liar. Liar.
Truth only exists as how we want to hear it.
Some are dark. Untellable.
Practically unbelievable.
But telling
Isn’t an option
If you tell
a secret
About someone you don’t really know,
Other people might
listen
But decide you’re
Making it up. Even if you
Happen to know for a fact
it’s true.
If you tell a secret
About a friend, other people
want to hear
All of it, prologue
to epilogue. But then they
think
You’re totally messed
up for telling it
in the first place. They
think
They can’t trust you
And hey, they probably
can’t.
Once a nark,
always a nark, you
know?
Credits: Identical by Ellen Hopkins
I am human.
At least, that’s what I want to be. I don’t want to be a worry maniac, and I don’t want to lose what I have. Not this way. Not like that.
I know you didn’t mean it, none of you did. But it doesn’t help knowing that it’s killing me and I will never tell.
You will never know, and it’s killing me to hold on.
How did things resort to this? I don’t want to know. Please.
Let me hold on a little while more.
I will kill myself.
I want to smile it away but it fucking hurts.
What if,
The skies were the colour of my eyes;
Would you still stare at it everyday?
What if,
I followed you everywhere;
Would you still stay the way you are?
What if,
I dared to ask;
Would you tell?
What if,
I told you I didn’t forget;
Would you want to remember?
What if,
I swore what I felt was real,
Would you feel it too?
What if,
I told you I was a mask of make-up,
Would you take it off me?
What if,
I told you the truth,
Would you stay oblivious?
What if,
I told you what if,
Would you believe me?
I’d be lying if I said I was okay;
Lying if I said I wasn’t hurt.
Lying if I claimed nothing was wrong;
When everything just came crashing down.
I’d be smiling in a streak of pain;
Forcing back those tears.
I’d never wished any worse than now;
To just disappear for a while.
I’d be dying to be heard over my pain;
Nobody wants to listen to me anyway.
I’d be bleeding inside out;
Covered up by my warrior of a smile.
Nobody knows;
Why should they know?
Nobody cares;
I don’t want anyone to understand.
Slowly I will;
Surely I feel.
One day will be the last of me;
None of you knew.
Let’s play a game. I promise it’ll be fun.
Let’s a game, promise me you won’t run.
Imagine – you never walked into my life and,
I never stumbled into yours as well.
Picture – a brand new me and,
An oblivious, unwary you.
Remember – the mixture of different emotions before I,
Finally found the one.
Believe – when you ask me this question I have asked it myself,
Twice.
Why?
Let’s play a game.
Let’s play a game.
Let’s play a game.
Oh, I wish I could call it a;
Game.
; 