Month: August 2014

For all these weird dreams. Not just any type of weird, but weird recurring dreams.

I don’t understand why I dream these dreams, but if I can go on dreaming the same dream an entire week consecutively during every single possible shut-eye I take, then it must be telling me something. It must be telling me something I don’t know, or something I don’t want to know. I can’t understand why.

And there’s always him, and her. There’s always us in some all too familiar setting that sends chills down my spine every single time I wake up. I’ve googled the dream dictionary but I didn’t find anything convincing.

So what exactly is it that my dreams are trying to tell me? What is my subconscious mind trying to warn my conscious mind?

Every dream has a meaning behind it, every dream serves as a reminder for something. Recurring dreams in particular, serves as a very strong reminder for something urgent. People usually forget their dreams, but recurring dreams make it impossible to forget.

So tell me, what is it that I know, but I don’t? Clearly, my subconsciousness is trying to tell me something I am not conscious of.

Then in that sense, does it make every single one of us bipolar? Are there 2 different souls living inside us, each knowing something the other doesn’t? And if so, what is it that the other can’t know?

My dreams are driving me crazy at night, waking up drowned in a pool of my own sweat in the morning. Heavy panting in the middle of the night, but I would wake up and start the next day scarred but unable to speak a word about it. It’s like I forgot about it, but it’s somewhere trapped deep in my mind where I can’t dig it out. I know I have it, but I don’t know how to say it.

The worst thing is, I can’t explain it.

I demand an explanation.

There are many things in life you’ll want to keep – want to remember. There are many things that will bring a smile to your face whenever you think of it, whether it’s real or imaginary. So, when exactly does imagination turn to reality? Or more importantly as I would say it, how?

For the most of our lives opportunities have been zooming past us without us realising it, even when it’s up for grabs. A sad thing everyone faces in life is that they miss a golden opportunity that could possibly have changed their lives, and the even sadder thing is that they have no idea it happened at all, until some time later.

I’m tired of wishing I wish I could have done it, I want to know that I did it, but how should I do it better? There are seemingly loads of people around you who are more accomplished, more successful, more well-liked than you. Maybe, they knew how to look out for opportunities?

When you see something in life worth chasing after for, go ahead. Life is too short for regrets, and no time to dwell over rejects. I don’t think rejection should be taken personally, because everyone fails at times. But I believe if you try hard enough, there will be a good outcome. Even though it may not still be the best, but at least you tried. After all, you never know if you don’t try. The craziest things have been accomplished, what more your dream that’s dying to take flight.

Try, because if you don’t it’ll be a definite no. Try, because it might just be a yes. Try, because for all that you have missed, don’t miss out something you’ll regret later on again. Try, because life is full of the unexpected, yours might just catch an eye.

For the most of my life I’ve been letting opportunities zoom past me, but right now I will try to try, and maybe, maybe everything will turn out just fine.

I fancy the thought of flight;
A metal blade gliding swiftly through my flesh,
Opening a streak of red ocean.

I fancy the thought of do-or-die;
Crippled by the impact,
Barely able to open my eyes.

I fancy the thought of silenced pain;
Eyes wide open but,
There is nothing to say.

I fancy the thought of a heart, broken;
Crimson red drops of blood,
But I love it that way.

So deeply caught up in my own world,
I’d fancy the thought;
I wish my heart would just stop.

The best way to tell if you matter to someone, is to see if they remember what you told them. There’s no such thing as a bad memory, not if you put in the effort to remember.

I wouldn’t expect you to remember something immediately, some people don’t have such good memory. But I think it’s basic courtesy to remember something someone told you not for the first time. I know I can’t expect you to remember the minute details like I do (partially because I probably care more than you), but it’s basic respect. It’s not something I will want to say, but I am genuinely disappointed in you.

You’re always hooked up in the moment, thrilled for the little surprises. You’re always making promises, saying words you probably don’t mean 3 minutes later. You pretend to care, but I honestly don’t think you do. You forget everything I say, and a few weeks later it’s like nothing ever happened. I can’t accept that.

If you can’t so much as remember a promise you made, then don’t make it. If you can’t handle the pressure of leaving something in your mind for more than a few seconds before chucking it out of your memory bin, then don’t say something you don’t mean. Because I will remember it, and I am the one who will get hurt by your oblivion.

Sometimes I wish, I could forget just as easily as you. I wish I could forget something important to you, then pretend to apologize as if it’s okay. You’re hurt? Nevermind, sorry. I forgot. I always forget.

You didn’t forget. You couldn’t take the fucking bother to remember.

Empty promises. Endless reminders. In the end, nothing ever happened because you had to forget about it.