It’s my first time as a class chairperson and as surreal as it seems to even myself it is undeniably a large responsibility that drives me out of my usual daze in school. From paying attention in morning announcements for the need for chairpersons to meet teachers to forcing my eyelids open during lecture and tutorials for the fear that the chairperson might be caught sleeping in class. It’s a universal thing that the minute something goes wrong the leader gets accused, leaving the leader no room for error himself and of course if I sleep in class I know I’m screwed. So I try not to. I am trying hard. And to hand up all my assignments on time and produce better quality work.
And then of course being the first time I know I’m not the best chairperson out there. I’m not the most enthusiastic chairperson you’ll have and I’m not the perfect A student and perfect leader that you’ll have. But I’m really trying hard to stay on track, and I really would appreciate constructive feedback instead of telling me what I just tried to do for the class was a failure. I’m sorry if I fail from time to time. I promise I’ll get better at it.
I know that the form teachers have yet to see my serious side because I’m always putting up a public facade filled with fun and laughter, and I deep down know that sometimes she doubts if I am capable enough of serving this class as the highest position. If need be, I will display my inner wreck of a 12am self to wipe off the smile on my face. But I don’t think that’s very helpful at all. I am trying, I am trying to juggle between fun and seriousness, but trust me when I say I am not a good for nothing fun lover because if you have never seen my serious side I don’t think you’ll want to see it. Spare yourself from the darkness.
Classmates – they’re good enough. They’re quite cooperative and at least they don’t insult me to my face that I suck, if I do, and they’re pretty friendly people who treats me like a human being instead of a nonexistent shadow. And if I ever let any of you down I’m sorry, I am still learning to be better. Teach me if you know how to.
And to anyone who doubts me, I want to prove you wrong. I want to show myself that I’m not someone who feeds off benefits of others without returning to serve at least a quarter of what I have taken. I want to experience the joy and pain of giving, to feel the sharp pain of ingratitude as well as the warmth and joy of accomplishment.
I am still learning, learning is a long process and I don’t have much time. I will try if necessary to change anything I can change, and if need be, I will wipe my smile off my face to earn your trust in me. I don’t just smile and laugh, I serve to smile and I laugh to learn.
In the end, it doesn’t matter if I’m still not the best.
In the end, what really matters is knowing that I’ve given what I can.
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