Month: March 2015

Whenever I went out to play, my mother wanted to know where exactly I was going to be. When I’d come in, she’d call me into her bedroom, take me in her arms, and cover me with kisses. She’d stroke my hair and say, “I love you so much”, and when I sneezed she’d say, “Bless you, you know how much I love you, don’t you?” and when I got up for a tissue she’d say, “Let me get it for you I love you so much,” and when I looked for a pen to do my homework she’d say, “Use mine, anything for you,” and when I had an itch on my leg she’d say, “Is this she spot, let me hug you,” and when I said I was going up to my room, she’d call after me, “What can I do for you I love you so much,” and I always wanted to say, but never said: Love me less.

Darling, don’t think I didn’t see
the streaks of crimson 
running down your cheeks
a mix of blood and tears.

I’ve seen it all
paper cuts and shards of glass
they cut
clean and clear.

Be stronger, the bedroom is tired
of being the place to hold you
when you won’t let 
anyone else do.

Let go, the fears
of embracing the unknown
will eventually
come true.

The streaks of your sideburn swayed and I
gently brushed it aside as it
slowly caresses your face gentler
than my lips that brushes against yours.

You held my face and stroked my temples
and I saw the spark in your eyes
slowly drinking the sight of love
sip by sip.

Our fingers intertwine but our breaths
stood still even when our eyes
cannot seem to believe
what it sees,

And darling the way you gently
stroke my chin makes me want to
lean in and plant my mark on
your bare skin.

The last time the girl with the vibrant eyes
looked at me today with 
dreary eyes and a tinge of 
tiredness,

and I asked her why.
No, I’m not sad, she said meekly
I am just tired 
of it all
and there is nothing anyone can do
to help me stand strong.

The roses have wilted and the
petals have dropped dead
like defeated soldiers on battle ground,
sprawled like eagles but on 
cold, stone hard
ground.

And I didn’t say a word but
all I could do was to think of her vibrant eyes and
how the pair of dreary eyes didn’t fit
and it was all out of place.

hang on, I’m coming to get you home safe.

It’s not the cheap plastic ring but
the words he’s told her endlessly
ceaselessly lulling her to sleep
like a lullaby in a torn bed sheet. 

Not the roses he’s bought but the blood that flowed
in and out and in of his veins, heart thumping and pumping
more blood than he’ll ever need for the day
just because it isn’t a day it’s a moment of a lifetime.

The pastor says, you may now kiss but it’s cliche
because he’s already known thoroughly
the softness of her lips against his rough, tattered
lips from bleeding and bleeding sleepless nights through.

Not the suit he’s wearing but the gown she wears because
finally after so long that he knows his biggest applause
was when she took off her high heels and wore
the cheap pair of slippers he saved up every penny for.

I know it’s hard for you. Baby, I do.

It’s never our intentions to be like this on a near daily basis and definitely not my way of handling things but you’ve been so hurt lately.

But I want you to know that regardless of anything I won’t loosen my hold. And I want you to know that despite everything that has happened nothing has changed the way I feel towards you, towards everything that has made me feel about you.

Regardless of anything, I will hold on. Even when you say your world is filled with debris I will pitch a tent on a bare rock and spend my days while you get yourself renovated with you. Even when you claim that you’ll never feel anything anymore I still do strongly believe that your feelings were once so strong they cannot be lost permanently.

Even on nights where you cry yourself to sleep because the pain won’t go away, I swear I will sleep next to you soon. I swear I won’t let you forget how burning fire feels like just because your world is in a state of frozen ice. If it matters, I will heat you up with my bare hands again.

And baby, we will learn to love again. 

It’s true when people say you don’t cherish something until you’ve lost it.

It is.

The whisper from your mouth
tickles me down
Every inch of my hair
stands on end.

The touch of your hand
keeps me calm
Every inch of my body
eases and relaxed.

The taste of your lips
fills me up
Every taste bud arouses
perks me up.

The calmness of your soul
holds me close
Thunder and showers
but you remain bold.

It’s that kind of burning ache you’ll only experience when someone is pleading you not to go.

“Please don’t go, I don’t want to lose someone like you.”

But darling, I’m off to a happier place. There were happy times back then but now it’s all blood and tears and there’s nothing left to say. There was a time I would have traded the moon and the stars to be there but now all I see is a wrecked cottage that has no resemblance to home. Darling, I miss you but I can’t stay. Don’t you see? It’s killing me inside out, bit by bit of my wrecked soul.

Be happy for me, don’t cry. I didn’t leave because I didn’t consider for your feelings, I left because I can’t find happiness anymore. I’ll be happier elsewhere, I’ll find home somewhere else. Tonight, let me warm your heart with my voice one more time. Tonight, I’ll let you cry on my shoulder one last time.

Tomorrow, I’ll still be myself, I’ll still adore you the way I always did. 

Nothing has changed between us, nothing at all.

It’s just that I’ll never put on the same shirt and embrace you anymore.

(I’m sorry, I can’t find the right words to reply to your text)