Electrocution

You had your fingers through my hair,
Brushing aside the loose strands
Weaving through my thoughts
Like a gentle wave in my own storm.

A gentle brush against your hand,
Is like lightning through my soul
Electrifying me, defying everything
I thought I previously had known.

The linger of your kiss,
Sits on my lips for days, and days,
And when I breathe
I breathe you and your sweetness in.

Of all the magic in this world
Yours is none that I had ever known
Yet all must come to an end
A love that never did grow.

I sit on the same bed,
Under the same corridor of our first kiss
And everything floods back to me
When your number, now unsaved, lights up on my phone.

Do I give up for good?
Or must we wait for time to dawdle,
Slowly I will fall again
Into the depths of the unknown.

Apologies never do work
They merely are buckets of paint
That covers up the scars
Of an utterly destructive past.

Even when it’s all gone
The taste of you still lingers,
On my bed, my clothes, my skin
It’s like electrocution for my sins.

You were oil, and I fire
We cooked up the greatest storms
Our love burnt up so fast
That all is left is nothing but a sizzle.

Reassurance

“There is a primal reassurance in being touched, in knowing that someone else, someone close to you, wants to be touching you. There is a bone-deep security that goes with the brush of a human hand, a silent, reflex-level affirmation that someone is near, that someone cares.” 
― Jim Butcher, White Night

I want a hug. A hug so reassuring and warm, all my sorrows will fly away – even if it’s just for that very moment. A hug so sincere I can feel the emotions pouring out, and for that moment I can just bury my face into your chest and take in your reassurance.

But I won’t ask for it.

Can I have a hug?

Clarity

You never notice certain things until the puzzle pieces slowly fit in, and then all at once, it makes such clear sense you wondered why you never realized it earlier. 

It’s all meant to be, isn’t it? One pillar crumbles and another one emerges, balancing out the pain with happiness, but at the same time an unsettling sense of wary surges through me. It is true that no one is perfect, but flaws can be overlooked with just a little bit of love. Just a little bit of love. 

Just a little bit of love? 

What is love anyway? Is it love when you stay, or is it love when you go? 

Is it love when you tolerate, or is it love when you explain? 

I’m so confused with the things lately, although days are much much better now. There is a constant brightening up my days, but I will need to question how to maintain the situation now, if not improving for the better. 

I am thankful, but now I am also worried to lose you.

I am happy, but now I am afraid that this happiness can be taken away from me.

I am confused, because there doesn’t seem to be anything that can stay.

What is going to stay? Are you going to leave, too? 

I am terrified, but I am thankful. For everything that I can hold on now, I will hold on and give it my all. 

I am thankful for everything.

Please let me see the clarity in this, I am terrified to lose again.