It’s already been aching for a long while – the dull ache beating against my chest, threatening to suffocate me to death. Yet, it’s addictive. It’s like taking drugs, a race against the time bomb that ticks down second by second. You know it – you know that one day it’ll explode. You know that you’ll be shattered to pieces.
Every single day is my challenge to smile. Not any smile, but a genuine smile. I’m thankful for a stable lifestyle, though very hectic indeed recently, but thankful nonetheless. It’s a process I’m still trying to learn, a process that cannot be forced, only practiced. It’s something that I must learn to accept, mentally challenging and emotionally draining, but I must accept it nonetheless. It’s very very tiring.
It’s guilt. It’s desire. It’s the very quintessence of human nature; to want, to desire, to dream. It’s the essence that keeps us alive as a human race; to strive for better things each and every day. I’m trying very hard to draw the line, but somebody keeps telling me to blur it out. Yes, what’s the point anyway?
My language is obscure as hell and so is my train of thought. Perhaps I shall be hit by the train of reality hard, but until then I shall keep walking the tightrope of fantasy, praying I don’t ever drop.
; 