I seem to always be caught up in bad timings. Right places at the wrong time. Missing my step a split second too late, crashing too hard right after the warning was given.
But, it’s not too late, right? People have the rights to dream, and maybe one day their dreams will come true. Some dreams must come true, however minuscule.
I don’t ask for much, I ask for happiness. I ask for the sensation of being loved, the gesture that I am being thought about in the most innocent ways. Maybe, I don’t know what I want, nor do I know how to properly reciprocate. It seems like I’ve done so many regretful things, cringeworthy in so many aspects, yet still on search for self-balance and the salvation from my sins. I don’t mean to offend anyone, I’ve never struck to derive pleasure off anyone. Still, I’m a wretched, lost sheep. My soul is torn and tattered by painful regrets and my heart once battered by the guilt of my sins.
I’m afraid to approach you because I don’t want to hurt you. I want you in the most innocent ways a sinner can ever hope to define innocence. I want to see your smile radiate that way, every single day, first thing in the morning, lighting up my day better than the sun can. I want to see your eyes sparkle, every single day, like the twinkle of the night sky kissing me to sleep.
I don’t want you to feel pressurized or hurt, or even distressed because I feel so much for you. I’ll keep your smile in my heart, twinkle in my eyes forever because they remind me of you. I’ve never been as truthful as I was to you when I told you that I loved your smile – it’s true, but not completely true. I loved your smile, but more importantly I love you. You invade my plain dreams and take me to paradise in the wee hours of the morning, gently sending me off back to reality at the first rays that penetrate my room. You taught me how to feel, ever so discreetly in front of you, even when my heart was exploding with emotion. I hope you’ll never guess that how shy I am in front of you, how I’ll purposely not have any physical touch with you just because I will get addicted to you. The only reason why I ever avoided you is because I don’t want to fall too hard for you, darling, but you are still every bit perfect and breathtaking.
Flashback: I missed the times where communicating with you was trivial talk with no hidden meanings. Where smiles were genuine amiable smiles and your actions didn’t affect my mood. Nonetheless, I’ll safekeep your innocence and carefreeness by never telling you how much I feel until you’re ready to. I’ll never force you into doing something you don’t want to, and I’ll let you go whenever you want to.
Perhaps, when you love a flower, you should just leave it to grow. By picking it up, it’ll slowly suffocate and die when love is supposed to heal. I understand that you need to roam and grow, but if someday you will come to me I promise I’ll never make you cold.
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