There's a white plastic bag in my room.
It is an ordinary plastic bag, carrying physically ordinary things of extraordinary emotional value to me. They are the physical form of the words I never dared to say, the actions I never dared to take, the questions I never dared to question. They are the embodiments of my memories of you, faraway and distant but simultaneously so dear to my heart, a reminder that daily communication isn't necessary to rank you at the top of my thoughts.
These are the words I don't say to you because I know you prefer not to deal emotionally. Our exchanges are precise and curt, oftentimes direct and blunt, but for a reason I can't fathom, they mean the world to me. My circumspection of the topics I choose to bring up, my choice of diction so carefully selected and inspected, my irrational fear but at the same time sheer excitement from opening your messages; they make me such an inept individual, so awkward and socially unskilled, overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of this unknown feeling I feel for you.
We used to converse daily but our lives have since branched out separately, taking you away from me physically. Our schedules are always clashing, both occupied with our mandatory obligations such that mutual separation seem like the inevitable. You're so tired you rarely reply your texts, and on occasions when you do I can hear your tiredness over your texting tone. Your Instagram stories slowly become unrelatable to me, I don't recognise the places you frequent, don't share many common topics of conversation, and this slowly sounds like the recipe of drifting apart.
Yet, you are so special that against all odds, you penetrate my late night dreams in my deepest sleep, reminding me the very reason why you mean so much to me – that there is no reason. That there is no viable explanation why I feel so much for you except that I just do, and there's no feigning the denial of this very fact – so I man up and deal with it, that perhaps, just the very slightest of rationality, you may be my soulmate.
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