fasten your mouth and keep your lips sealed tight. a swig of alcohol, a roaring sensation in the head to spill everything you’ve ever wanted to say.
but don’t you ever say them.
in a mixture of truths and lies, i have used my tipsiness as an excuse too much for the words i otherwise had no forgivable reason for saying. am i lying or telling the truth? is this tipsiness or a blatant moment of unsuppressed youth? i forget to chain the beast inside my mind, i forget to apply my filters for what ought to come out of my mouth, i forget that my demons were not supposed to come out to the actual world to play. they should stay inside me.
it’s all my fault. my body has had enough from me the past 3 days. i’ve worked it so hard i forget i’m ever tired, and when i finally crash at 4.a.m. waking up in the morning felt like instant death. my natural body clock wakes itself at 7.30am, and i’d think with a sleeping time of 4am and alcohol overdose, my body clock would for once shut down. but it didn’t. my mind is wide awake at 7.30am but my body screams death. my memories scream death. the words i hear from everyone else screams death.
karma’s gonna get me. some replies in my text messages in the morning have killed me even though i’ve become good at temporary ignorance. i just hope i didn’t mess up too far. my emotions are in a mess, my heart is in a mess, the words i have said are in a mess. but what my heart wants remains crystal clear even though i have no idea how i’m supposed to get it in this present state of mess.
but would i do it again? fuck yes.
; 