I test the speed limit on a deserted road at 90km/h on gear 5. The engine revolution goes up to 3,000rpm. I race the BMW beside me. I win. I race the gust of wind blowing against my hair. I win. I race against Time. I lose. Spectacularly.
I’ll never have enough time with you.
I race the car like my mind races; it’s fast, it’s furious, it’s fearless. I am on the top of the world. Nothing can stop me now.
And then, I run into a red light. I abide by the laws even though I didn’t have a practical reason to. The roads were completely deserted. I didn’t need to stop. But like the law abiding citizen that I was taught to be, my foot jams on the brake before my mind could tell it otherwise. My body lurches forward from the sudden impact. My seat belt keeps me safe. Always keep your seatbelt on during a ride. The sensation is gone. Fuck reality.
The song on the radio isn’t helping me stay calm. It’s too loud. Too much rap. Too much pop. I need something to soothe me, to calm me down. I realise I don’t have a playlist on atmospheric calming tunes. I jam the accelerator. Go. Go. Run. Run away from this monstrosity. Then I realise I can’t.
I am the monster.
; 