I see you one last time before I go, out of pure coincidental fate, and I swear this is fate telling me that this is it; you are the one.
For the first time, I get front row seats on my flight, such that economy class feels like business class in terms of leg space, that I can afford to stretch them fully out without disturbing the people in front of me. I fall asleep because I am too tired, and I sleep so deeply that I miss my in-flight meal.
I’m out of the airport by 9am, but the traffic jam made a 20km journey last a full hour. We pick up three bouquets of handpicked flowers; the fresh smell of jasmines, lilies, and carnations in -8 degrees Celsius is beautiful, especially when the winter has made my sense of smell completely haywire. Today, we add in a slight hint of pink and purple in our flowers, just because we wanted to celebrate two lives that have been very fully lived, instead of just mourning over their losses.
Something feels strange looking down at my grandparents’ tombstones. It’s a horrible feeling to know that someone who has held so much significance in your life, someone who has been so lively and full of stories to tell, is now reduced to nothing but ashes protected under an expensive, polished stone with their name engraved in golden characters. Names don’t define a person’s life, but it is the only thing we are allowed to share with the public about the ones that mean so much to us.
My hands and face are freezing cold, but suddenly I feel a stream of warmth flow down my face, and then I taste the saltiness on the tip of my tongue. I sit by my grandparents for a while, telling them how wonderful my life in university is, telling them how I’ve met beautiful people in my life, telling them that I can now drive; everything that I never had the time to tell them. Once upon a time they sit by my bedside and tell me stories, now I sit by theirs and tell them mine.
I return to my house to receive your messages on my phone, and it makes everything better. I love the way you are so full of love for everyone that even your texting tone is lovely and caring, unlike mine that is so cold and stoic. You remind me that you love me and for a moment everything becomes better for me; then suddenly I am so afraid to lose you. I love how you are an abundance of positive energy, I love the way you talk about your friends and how you are so happy for them, that it makes me feel even luckier that you love me.
It’s cold here and I’m still a little sad, but every day I grow to become more thankful for you and I hope this is the way things will stay.
Lots of love.
; 