Perhaps it is now when I have come to a dead end that I realize I should have been more careful with my words and promises. I should have been firmer with myself, firmer with the decisions I make, firmer with the words I let escape me.
If life has taught me anything, it is that change is constant and inevitable. No promise is ever truly a promise, no vow is truly a vow. And I have broken so many promises within such a short period, over and over again, because of new factors which continuously pop up unexpectedly that take me by surprise.
While a part of me knows that this is not entirely my fault, the majority of myself is regretful, remorseful that I should have been more prudent, should have been more meticulous, more responsible.
Now that what has happened has already happened, there is nothing I can do to change the outcome of whatever that follows. I have driven myself into this dead end, alongside disappointing the people around me that I treasure the most. Maybe I have also driven you into a dead end together with me, maybe that’s why you always ask me to “stop it” because you are more insightful than me, and you see before I do that my actions lack proper contemplation and will more likely than not lead to disaster.
I have gradually come to accept constructive criticism from friends closest to me, when I realize I start to appreciate it when my good friend tells me that I am being annoying when I genuinely am. At the end of the day there is no point in running away from my mistakes and brushing responsibilities aside, so I might as well brace them with open arms. Come what may.
I don’t want to go down this path of mistakes anymore, at least not knowingly.
Let me be more forward-thinking, more responsible, and more careful. Let me stop treading on thin ice, always in fear of receiving less than welcoming looks from the people I was once on good terms with.
Let me let go of myself, let go of this guilt. And let me never repeat the same mistakes again.
; 