If it’s because I didn’t stick to the very end, then perhaps you have taught me that I never should have.
I have given everything I could, everything I should have given. I have tried my best, I have tried harder than most, but in the end I didn’t belong anywhere.
And if you talk merit, then above so many others I deserved to stay. But because this is not how society works, I excused myself because I sensed not many wanted me anyway.
And even after I left, some people have told me to return, but I spoke to the one I felt the closest to, and even she said she wouldn’t know how to react if I returned. We are no longer close, and I never returned.
That very same year, they were so close to winning. And I know with me, they’d have a higher chance. I was casually blamed for not being there, but deep down I know I didn’t have a choice unless I was willing to let go of all my pride, which I wasn’t.
The two who took me in initially, has explicitly stated that they don’t want me to return. 4 years after I left. I had to learn this through an outsider while I was driving her on the highway, and it took a lot of mental strength to push that thought aside and concentrate on the road.
At the end of the day, I blame no one as an individual. I don’t even blame the one who left me so suddenly.
After all, I chose to leave myself. But to know that after so much that I have done, I am not even welcomed to join in casual meetings, not even welcomed to return for a visit.
I probably made the right choice to leave.
; 