It’s been a long time now since we last spoke, I hope you are doing well and coping with the pandemic. I imagine that you are anticipating a new chapter of life, and whatever path you may choose I hope it is the best choice for you.
The hurt from losing you has subsided, from an excruciating, sleepless pain, to now just a very manageable nostalgic ache. Some days I even temporarily forget that you exist. But every now and then, a trigger brings you back into my mind and I realise that no matter how much we have drifted and no matter if we haven’t spoken for almost half a decade, I still have a tender soft spot for you. And it has always been you.
I’ve had a few fleeting moments with others, in fact even a committed relationship which has since ended, but through it all I have subconsciously always made room for you in my headspace. We’re disconnected on social media but every now and then I see you appear in someone else’s profile and my heart clenches ever so slightly, I look at the photo of you a little (or much) longer than I would look at most other photos.
I have come to realise that no matter what I do, there is no point to try and forget you. Because you mean too much to just be simply forgotten. And I can honestly say that deep down, I have never resented you for cutting off communication with me. Despite it all, I have an inexplicable fondness for you that still runs deep within my soul. Some days I ask God if I will ever have a chance to see or talk to you again, even if for the briefest of moments.
I don’t think it was my fault that you walked away from me, nor was it yours, per se. I think it just happened inevitably, unfortunately at a very bad timing in my life as far as I’m concerned.
I still do miss you, and deep down I still do feel something for you. But I shall neither pursue nor entertain the thought of reconnecting with you, unless it so happens that God shall bring us back together. But even if that is the case, I don’t think I will anticipate for that day. Rather, if it is to happen, then let it be one of the most pleasant of surprises that I may ever receive in this lifetime.
I hope you are well, and I pray that you are safe. I am sorry that tonight my nostalgia has come out to play. But if anything, time has told me that it was not just a fleeting moment of immaturity and recklessness. After all this time, without any communication, it has always still been you.
; 